Where My Demons Hide
by True Love's Kis5
Summary: There are fallen angels, fledging demons, and even soldiers of Hell, but when a former angel goes downstairs, Sam and Dean aren't expecting the result. Especially not when it's Castiel.


Full Summary: There are fallen angels, fledging demons, and even soldiers of Hell, but when a former angel goes downstairs Sam and Dean aren't expecting the result. Especially not when it's Castiel. Of course if it's up to him, they'll never learn that he's no longer the angel that they remember.

Castiel remembered Hell fervently and the images still screamed in his mind. They were too strong for him to think of anything else, to wake from his eternal daze so he stared up and pretended that the last pieces of his soul weren't dying.

Cas was somewhat sure that every demon had some level of insanity but his was an outlier of every case he'd seen. He could remember ripping through flesh, killing merely to keep himself alive and it had ripped him apart. His innocence was too pure to have been darkened without leaving the scars of insanity.

And so he watched the sky as he picked up the pieces of what had become of him in Hell

The sky was the color of rotten egg yolk, the clouds gray, glutten with the promise of rain. The grass beneath Castiel etched into his vessel's cadaverous skin like ink on thin paper, leaving green smudges on his palette. He felt like that should make him feel something or make him want to sit up, but as he gazed absentmindedly into the Heavenly autumn sky he felt absolutely nothing but loathing.

His view was ruined after some time of sitting under the harsh sunlight when someone stood in front of the light, blocking the hideous sight. It took him minutes to look up and face the shadows that had hung upon him and ruined the clairvoyant hatred boiling underneath his skin. "You ruined my view," he told the two figures.

They looked disconsolate, perturbed, and again Cas was hit with the sense that perhaps he should care when instead a laugh tried to bubble its way from his chest. Strange.

He did not let it escape of course but he thought it an odd impulse because Castiel was almost sure that he'd seen the two of them before and had no clue what on Earth about them would be so funny. Angels were never funny from what he could remember through his impossibly fuzzy mind.

The two men looked at each other and whispered unhearable words while Castiel looked back into the sky. It was hideous and yet- "Balthazar." His thoughts were interrupted by the blonde. Castiel wasn't sure why Balthazar was stating his name but didn't exactly care. Maybe the darker haired one was talking to Balthazar, it didn't change anything, they still needed to get out of his way and let him rot in peace.

"Balthazar,"he said with as kind a smile as he could manage. He felt he should be on his best behavior for the angel though his blackened heart burned with malice for the wingless birds. "You're ruining my view do you mind?"

The two shared another annoyingly worried look and the darker haired one said "hey little bro."

It was a strange time for a greeting, he thought before actualizing exactly what his 'brother' had said.

Cas sat up, looking closer at the two. In Hell things had gotten intensely fuzzy. When he'd been tortured constantly it was difficult to think clearly, but he could still remember if he thought hard enough, he could still remember Heaven and his brothers.

"Gabriel," He wasn't sure what to think about the fact that his brothers were here and he didn't quite understand the tingling deep inside his chest. The feeling was so human and he was -not- human. He wasn't exactly sure what he was, actually. "Nice to see you; can you move just a little-"

He'd seen anger on Gabriel's face before, depression, worry, hurt, hopefulness, but never all at once. "We know we're in your way, Cas. Totally not the point." (He'd also never seen Balthazar so quiet before but he was sure that wasn't the point either.)

Castiel's demeanor shifted as his features grew unnecessarily angry. "If there is no point then I suggest you leave, Gabriel. Unless there is and then perhaps you should share with the class."

Balthazar flinched and said "right. Yes, well the point, Cassie, is," he turned to Gabriel, "What is the point again?" Balthazar thought that maybe the point was that Castiel was sitting in the middle of a dark graveyard acting as if they were blocking his sun.

"Earth is so ugly," he told them absentmindedly as he looked up at the absent moon "so bright."

…

"So," said Gabriel with an almost worried smile. Sam wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. "We found Cas."

"What?" The older Winchester looked back from where he was sitting at the table. "Where is he?"

It'd been about a year since Dean told Cas that he couldn't stay with them and they hadn't seen him since. Sam knew that Dean felt absolutely terrible and they'd been looking for him for months with no avail.

"In a Graveyard," supplied Balthazar, not actualizing the connotation behind his words.

The brown freckles on Dean's face darkened as his face paled almost to the point of sickness. Cas was dead? Because of him?

"He kept saying something about how bright everything was," said a falsely amused Gabriel "I think little Cassie has a bit too many pills up his sleeve." Or, you know, was an fledging demon. Whatever. Gabriel wasn't sure that he wanted to tell Dean about that yet, not until he was sure. Since all of the angels had fallen things were harder to make out. He could sense that there was something wrong but wouldn't go so far as to peg his brother a demon. Not yet.

Demons were generally confused when they broke out of Hell but he'd never seen a demon like that. He thought that maybe his little brother had lost it just a bit and didn't actually blame him. As long as he wasn't a fledging demon Gabriel wouldn't have to.

Dean thought of when he'd been sent to the future by Zachariah and saw the warped, demented version of Cas that he hadn't been able to get out of his head since. He wasn't sure that Gabriel was kidding and worry flooded his mind. Outwardly he shrugged "yeah? Well let's go get him before he hurts himself, then."

Sam doubted that anyone else would have seen it but the slight scowl in-between his brother's eyebrows, the stern set of his lips made it obvious that Dean was worried. Or blamed himself, probably both. "Dean, this isn't your fault," said Sam quietly. Dean always blamed himself for things that he couldn't control and Sam didn't want to watch him spiral into guilt again.

"Not to interrupt the broment," said Gabriel, interrupting the broment. "But we should go get little bro." He leaned against the wall in a distinct display of uncare. But it was obvious that Gabriel was just as worried as Dean. Sam felt like he could have cut the tension with a knife.

"Really?" quipped Balthazar sarcastically "I thought we'd just leave him here." He actually didn't seem all that worried but that might have been because of the fact that Castiel had killed him once upon a time. Sam was pretty sure that was a common occurrence with angels but he could still understand the animosity between them.

"We're not going to leave Cas," snapped Dean, glaring at the revived angel.

Balthazar rolled his eyes "I was being sarcastic Dean-y. Of course we won't leave the wingless idiot there, we'll be smart and bring a demon into your home!"

"He is not a demon," growled Dean.

Sam frowned at them both, listening to the conversation silently as Balthazar leaned his elbows into the table "is that right? Because I was getting that distinct vibe of non-human-ness."

"I didn't realize the two of you were married. C'mon Balth-y go get Cassie before he overdoses on his pills." Gabriel said before Balthazar could say anything.

Balthazar rolled his eyes and as soon as they flew out of the place he said "Cas isn't actually going to overdose on pills he doesn't have," he paused "maybe on demon-ness. He's way too innocent to be a demon."

Gabriel was nervous for his brother. Really nervous. Last time one of his brothers had lost it Darth Vader style the apocalypse had started. Literally. And Cas had a really, really bad track record for accidentally almost destroying the World.

When they reached the Graveyard, Cas was still sitting on the damp green grass but his eyes seemed sharper, more intelligent. He looked back at them with a cold, inhuman smile. "Hello brothers."

Balthazar licked his lips nervously "Right. Hey, Castiel we're going to take you somewhere nice and probably not cozy, okay?"

Cas tilted his head at them. He'd been remembering things in the past few hours, everything was getting clearer and he liked it. "I don't think that's a good idea. I like it here and when I don't anymore I'll like it somewhere else away from you." Gabriel was getting a distinct sense of rejection.

He put on a mask like usual, covering over his worry. "What, Cassie? Don't want to spend time with the family?" Neither did he actually.

"That doesn't sound like any fun at all," said Cas, narrowing his eyes dangerously. Gabriel wondered how Cas had kept his vessel but decided not to ask in case he didn't like the answer.

"Oh it'll be great. Team Free Will can be back together like the good old days! Those good times when no one knew who was gay or straight." said Gabriel, crouching down to Castiel's level.

Cas leaned closer to Gabriel, his nose nearly touching his brother's "the good old days? When I was a angel and you were dead? Yes I remember, I've been remembering a lot of things lately. I think it was better when you were dead, I think maybe you should be again."

Gabriel found he couldn't look at Castiel anymore after he'd said that.

"I got nothing. Just take him and run," said Balthazar with a rather terrified grin.

Gabriel nodded in agreement and grabbed Castiel's arm, flashing him back with them.

...

They were flashed in the living room where Sam looked at Cas nervously; there was definitely something wrong. His skin was as white as parchment as his blue, blue eyes were too bright, full of something that was far from angelic. "Cas?"

Cas blinked a few times. It was so bright in the house and it took him more time than it should have to adjust. Hell had been very, very dark. Now everything was too bright. "Hello, Sam. It's good to see you."

Balthazar pointed at him "what the Hell! Now he's acting normal?"

Dean completely ignored Balthazar's comment and hugged his friend. "Cas, it's good to see you, man."

Castiel smiled at the man who had once been his friend. Now he was an opportunity, a chance to be taken and all he needed was to act. "Yes...I don't understand why I'm here, Dean. I thought I wasn't welcome here."

Dean looked uncomfortable and said "I'm sorry about that, Cas, it's a long story. " After a pregnant pause he added "Dude, you look like you've been to Hell and back."

Oh but he had been to Hell and back. And it was all Dean's fault. If Dean hadn't pushed him away in the first place he wouldn't have been killed and he would have never gone to Hell. "Only once," he said with a nod of his head.

Dean looked at him seriously but Cas cut him off before he could say anything. "I think I'll get some sleep. It's been some time since I was last able to rest."

….

Balthazar watched this silently, eyes growing wider with each comment. When Castiel retreated to go 'sleep' he pulled Gabriel into the other room where they could talk alone. "So Gabe is it just me or is Cassie severely bipolar?"

"Wouldn't be the only one in the family," suggested Gabriel with a shrug.

"That's true. I mean, who hasn't killed a few of their favorite brothers?" said Balthazar bitterly. Ok fine maybe he was still just a little bit bitter about that part. But Cas had killed him! Killed him!

"Sure. But you don't actually think he's going to kill me...Right?"

"Least he didn't threaten to kill me again," said Balthazar under his breath. Yet.

….

Back in his room, Castiel didn't have a plan yet. He knew that Sam and Dean were wanted by too many people to count, he knew that he could gain their trust and abandon them like they had him.

There was only one true option, however. Only one thing that would truly incompass the pain he'd felt in Hell.

Looking at his vessel's skin he bit into it's wrist with cold white teeth, spitting the blood into his palms. He whispered a quick curse and as soon as the thick, sticky blood began to bubble ominously he whispered "Abaddon, we need to talk."

…

A/N: I know it's a bit confusing right now but it'll get clearer. Such as how Cas became a demon, why, how Balthazar is alive, how Gabriel is alive, I'll get to all of that.


End file.
